Apr 17, 2007

Cry...Pray...Cry... And it's not even That Time

I am having one of those mornings where try as I might I cannot quit crying. I knew the excitement of the upcoming move would eventually have to die down a bit, but I wish so badly it didn't. You see I spent yesterday in Victoria looking for homes, and schools. I guess I thought since I have been praying about both of these things, that God would just open the paths and I would miraculously have answers to both questions. Instead, I am so lost that I haven't a clue what to do. The main problem I'm having is that there are basically three(according to very trustworthy resources*friends*) public schools that should be excellent for my children. However, my kids have attended an amazing private Christian school for the last 5 years and have been somewhat sheltered from real life (I know, I know the Christian bubble thing and all). I like that bubble for my kids, so there. Anyway, I went to check out a Christian school that seemed very similiar to our current one, and got so excited UNTIL (there is always an until) they told me they only give pastor discounts if you are a senior pastor. I guess this is a common thing, but I have a big problem with that. My husband who is a worship/media/video pastor works just as hard for his congregation as any senior pastor and probably makes a lot less a year. Anyway, I currently receive a 40 percent discount at my our school and I told them (the new christian school)that. They said they were sorry, but even to senior pastors they only give a 25% discount. Skip has basically said, "Well, it's between public and home schooling." I am terrified of home schooling because I know my kids and I know me. WE WILL NEVER CHANGE OUT OF OUR PJS. I know that is okay for some, but I don't think I can emotionally handle the change, nor do I feel a calling right now to do that. I did homeschool Ashley for kindergarten and she did great, but I did not enjoy it. I had no support system and I was extremely lazy.

Okay, back to homes. There are lots of homes for sale in Victoria, but if I am going to go with the (so called) top 3 public schools, I need to live in certain areas. We wanted to have my brother-in-law build us a home, but there is basically no houses for rent while we build. I checked on several, but they go so fast that there wasn't any when I called. I don't even know if I want the extra stress of building when Skip is going to need my support in his new job role. I know I sound like I'm complaining, and I am, but I am at a loss of what to do. Skip has no time to help in this. He is so happy and thrilled about work, but he has asked me to take care of the house hunting and the schools. He feels that I will make good choices and he just wants me to be careful with staying under budget on everything. We are taking a pay cut, but Victoria's cost of living is a little lower. I need prayer guys. I need my current home to sale, I need to know what to do about schools, and I need to find a new home. Also, I need to stop crying and trust God in all these matters. He has been in this move from the beginning, and I don't know why I am letting myself get upset. He will take care of me and my family in All things. I am praying this Psalm from my one year bible today.

Pslam 86
1 Bend down, O Lord, and hear my prayer;
answer me, for I need your help.
2 Protect me, for I am devoted to you.
Save me, for I serve you and trust you.
You are my God.
3 Be merciful to me, O Lord,
for I am calling on you constantly.
4 Give me happiness, O Lord,
for I give myself to you.
5 O Lord, you are so good, so ready to forgive,
so full of unfailing love for all who ask for your help.
6 Listen closely to my prayer, O Lord;
hear my urgent cry.
7 I will call to you whenever I’m in trouble,
and you will answer me.


Susanne said...

Susie, for what's it's worth you did not sound like you were complaining at all. You just sound like someone who is a tad bit overwhelmed with what is on her plate right now and a mom and wife who desperately wants to make the right decision. Nothing wrong with that or for asking for prayer. Admitting your need for God's leading is not complaining. So I'll pray for you.

And I'm with you about the homeschooling too. Your reasons were all the ones I had too for not homeschooling. My kids went to Seperate school (Catholic). Yes, it has had it's challenges but God has been there all the way.

Coach J said...

I will pray for you today. I actually have some things to tell you, but cannot right now due to the fact I have got to get out of my pj's and shower so I can take my kids to PE. Reply to this comment, and I'll reply back.
He will hear you and give you much wisdom! (And He knows better than you what those tears are saying. Let them out, and let the Holy Spirit do His work in you.)

Julie said...

Oh Susie,
My heart goes out to you. But you are NOT alone. The Lord is going to grant you wisdom, direction and clarity. He is going to make a way for you where there seems to be no way.

It takes FAITH to step out and do what you and Skip are doing. The enemy would love to bring upset and confusion...don't allow it. Allow the Lord to settle your heart, and follow after peace.

"And let the peace which comes from Christ rule (act as an umpire continually) in you hearts - deciding and settling with finality all questions that arise in your minds..." Colossians 3:15 (Amplified Bible)

You're in my prayers, girl!

Penless Thoughts said...

Susie, when I first met you we talking about being real and you are SO real and that is such a gift to all of us. I echo, you are not complaining, you are just reaching out for prayer support and casting it all on Jesus. Exactly what we are called to do. You and yours will not be defeated. "Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world." I am praying.

Chappyswife said...

Susie, I would be overwhelmed, too. BUT - the Psalm you have picked out says it perfectly. I believe everything will work out the way it is supposed to. It just may be a little bit of a bumpy road getting there and may take longer, but you are doing all of this for your family, and moms (especially moms who trust in God) have an amazing way of working everything out for her family. I can't wait to hear your victory stories!

Blessed Beyond Measure said...

Look up, don't look around. One thing at a time or it's overwhelming. Thats what causes it, feeling like it's all up to you, and you may just need your husband's help on this. Sounds like with just a bit of input from him, you might be able to sort it out better. In the meantime, don't miss time for devotions every morning where you can tell Him all thats on your mind, knowing He's fully able and willing to do more than we can imagine. He's King of Kings, owns the cattle on thousand hills, so take a deep breath, and look up. And in the meantime I'll be praying for you for some sense of calm and direction.

And I'm sorry but any school that limits discounts to a certain level of pastor - not where my kids would attend!

MizB said...

Just out of curiosity, have you considered the Catholic schools? My kids and I attend a Baptist church, but the kids go to a Catholic school. Reason being, my husband attended the same school while he was growing up (even though he's not practicing *any* religion at the moment), and he insisted that his kids attend this school. I figured that, in attending a Catholic school, at least they get *some* sort of religious education and God isn't taken out of the picture. Homeschooling wasn't an option for us, as I just don't possess the discipline needed to do it. :-?

Praying for you in your move and all the decisions that go along with that! :-?

<>< Mizbooks

Linda said...

You're upset because you're just human and it's okay to be upset once in awhile. It's where you go when you are upset that counts. Jesus wouldn't have told us to bring Him our burdens if He didn't know there would be times we felt weighted down.
I'm going to be praying for you. I know that God will give you wisdom and direction in this. He isn't surprised by anything. He already knows the plans He has for you.
I'm adding this to my prayer list.

Annie said...

Hey Susie,

The nice thing about freakouts is in retrospect you get to see how God was there the whole time. I'm a semi-pro at freakouts.

DA Wagners said...

Sorry I read this blog entry so late, but I pray that God finds answers for you that you were not even looking for. And I pray His peace all over you and your family.