My Prayers for Haiti

I could not bring myself to post on the devastation I have witnessed via television from the Haiti earthquake until now. I use my blog as a journal, and I really want my children to know one day the feelings and impact that this moment in history has had on so many. First of all up to date, the death toll has reached 110,000 people, and may end up as high as 200,000. I cannot fathom that number. Growing up in a midsize town of 65,000 people, I cannot imagine the whole town dying and then the surrounding smaller towns included. It is so horrific and the way we can be there via television and internet, it has been overwhelming for so many to sit and watch the event unfold.

Of course we can give our resources, and praise God we all are doing that through our churches and relief efforts by so many wonderful organizations. We can pray for the people who have lost so many loved ones and for the thousands of people left homeless, sick and in fear of their future. And most of all continue to support these loving people by continuing to support them as a country to help them get back on their feet physically and spiritually. I read an amazing blog post from some wonderful American Christians who were there in Haiti and shared there experiences. You can go here to read this account from the Beth Moore blog.

Just over the last several days I have been sick with a stomach bug, and couldn't do much of anything but lay and watch tv. I was unable to eat, barely move, and felt like I had been hit by a truck. However, my temporary sickness was absolutely a blessing because it was temporary, I was surrounding by my loved ones who cared for me, had warm bed, a roof over my head, food nearby and hope. I sat in my bed and just prayed for those hundreds of thousands of people in need, and those who felt hopeless. I begged God to give them hope in Him, and to send his favor and blessings on the people in such desperate need. I see God answering those prayers through so many people. So many have given their talents, their finances and their many resources to help the people of Haiti. On every channel I watch, people are finding ways to support the relief efforts and get involved in making a difference locally, nationally and globally. However, I never want to forget that God is the Lord of all, and it is Him alone who we put our hope in and our assurance for all things.

Psalm 46 "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Come and see the works of the LORD, the desolations he has brought on the earth. He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear, he burns the shields with fire. "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. "

How to Make New Friends???

Me and one of my BFF's Tiffany

Hey girls, are you having difficulty making new friends, or better yet Godly friends who share similar beliefs and morals? I think often times we think it should just happen as we continue to stay at home and do nothing. I thought it would be fun to share ways I have made new friendships over the last couple of years, and even more recently, the last two weeks. Here are my ideas, and I would love to hear yours too. All of us can experience loneliness at times, and may need a refresher course in, Friendship 101.

1. Be nice. Smile. Yes, sometimes it is that simple. Also, when I met someone and then run into them more than once after that...I hug them! Yes, I do. If they shy away, I give them more time. However, I believe that we don't hug enough. Sometimes, it is the only hug a girl may get throughout the day.

2. Begin attending church, but don't just stop there. Join a ministry. Some of the dearest, sweetest friends I've met this past year are serving with me in our children's ministry.

2. Use Facebook and Twitter. You not only connect with old friends, but you can get to know new people better by chatting, encouraging, praying for and sometimes attending events together.

3. Be open to meet and talk to new people. I started exercising at a nearby Zumba studio a little over two weeks ago, and since then I have met some precious women who share a love of getting back into shape and dancing. It is like another little family there. Maybe a bible study, MOPs group, or a play group is more your style. No matter what you choose, be friendly and interested when you get there. Most people are not as cliquish as you think, and could always use another friends.

4. Go places. It is amazing how when you get out, you meet people.

5. Organize get togethers. I love connecting women to one another through large events. We had a women's chick flick/lunch this month, and we are now going to make it a regular monthly thing. The girls each met new people, and look forward to our next gathering. I am also looking forward to attending a Zumba praise and worship night at my exercise studio next month. Just set things up and invite. So simple. You may ask, "What if no ones comes?" I guess in that case you may need to re-evaluate what you are doing. Cost? Opportunities to have fun? Can they bring a friend? Lots of things come into play when people are afraid of new meetings.

6. Don't wait to be invited over for dinner or a game night. You have it! It doesn't take much to order pizza and make a call to friends. If there is a few girls you have clicked with, have them over for coffee and dessert. Keep it simple, and believe me, it will mean the world to them.

Let's hear your best ideas for finding new friends!

The Best Year Ever!

As I sit at my computer and reflect on 2009, the first word that comes to my mind to wrap up the year I've just had is BLESSED. I don't know why God has given our family such a season of peace, but He has. Just two years ago, I didn't feel that way at all, but having a year like 2009 reminds me that God is faithful and willing to do a new thing, and a good thing when we put our trust in Him. I know that this new year could be totally different, and I will have this wonderful year to look back and say, "See, this season is just a season. Things will turn around as they did in 2009." When we choose to look at who God is, and not our circumstances, there is hope and there is peace.

I laugh as I look back over my 2009 resolutions I made. I didn't get the weight thing down, and I certainly didn't start back to a regular exercise routine. If truth be told, I only did 2 out of the 6 which were doing the Esther study in my home, and the encouraging women thing. However, the spiritual things made the cut, and for that I am so grateful. Isn't it the eternal things that matter most? Yes, I do believe so.

For this year, I am going to continue with the things that matter most. These aren't always the easiest things to do, but they will reap some major peace in my home and in the lives of those I love. Are you up for the challenge?

*Make Jesus even more famous! I want to share what He has done, is doing and what He can do in my life and in the lives of everyone I encounter.

*Love and encourage my husband. Fill his love tank, and give him the best of me and not the leftovers.

*Remind my children who they are in Christ and help them to be all God has for them.

*Use Facebook, Twitter and my blog to share Christ's love with others. (Okay, this is a little fun thing for me, but why not)

*Invest in relationships that matter, let things go that rob my joy, and be the best Susie I can be!

It's Christmas Time- Are you ready?

At this stage of the Christmas season, I am behind on all the normal standards of Christmas preparations. Thankfully, according to my God calendar, I am right on track. Studying God's Word, loving people, serving others and enjoying my family has taken top priority. The presents (few that we will be buying this year) will get done eventually. Cookies will be made for Christmas parties if we have time, and others will be store bought. (Btw, the iced ones from HEB are heavenly.) So if you are like me and feeling a little behind on the Christmas game, don't worry. Putting Him first, loving your spouse and children and encouraging those in need will be what is most important when you reflect over this joyous Christmas season. God bless you all, and remember Jesus is the reason!

Thanksgiving Blessings

Where do I even start? This year has been so full of blessings! Even though this year has had some major struggles along the way, I can honestly say without hesitation that I am thankful for it all. God's presence has never been felt more, and never have I been led so strongly to obey Him. Above all, I have come to a deeper understanding of God's Word where the Holy Spirit is concerned, and how to realize the power that it can hold in my daily life.

Just to name a few of the top blessings that have amazed me this year:

*My love for my husband has grown deeper and stronger with each passing day. I have loved him for 20 years, but I am still falling IN LOVE with him.

*My brother has rededicated his life to the Lord in a way that has completely changed his life and his childrens' lives for eternity.

*My church has had so many salvations, baptisms, and life change throughout this year, and I got a front row seat in seeing it occur. To God be the glory for it all!

*An abundance of new friendships. I have been blessed with so many wonderful, dear friends through the years, but especially this year. God knew I needed them so much.

*Our family has found contentment and peace that we've prayed to find. I know that seasons and circumstances can rapidly change, but I am grateful beyond measure for what we have right now.

My hope is that each of you can take time to reflect on God's goodness and thank Him for all you have been given. I would love to know how God has blessed you most this year. Happy Thanksgiving friends!

No One Can Do It All- So Quit Trying

Doing for others before doing for myself is a common mommy fault of mine. I would totally fail the airplane protocol of putting the breathing mask on yourself before helping someone next to you. I'm sure I'm not the only one who disappoints themselves before inconveniencing others, but I know that this mindset will have to change as I take on more responsibility in the future.

Just this week I missed my Annie's puppet presentation at school because I was staying home with my sick son. I have plenty of friends who would have gladly popped in so I could have gone, but I wouldn't dare bother them with such a thing. Besides, he did have the flu. Germs-Ahhhh! Thankfully over the last several years I have come to realize that my husband, who works full time is happy to be more involved in taking over some roles when I will release him to do so. My first thought is always, "I'll go to this meeting since he has already worked all day and needs to rest." Or I'll say, "I don't need to go to this function or event. My time at home is more important." In the process of doing this over and over, you really deprive yourself of a much needed break and your spouse of his duties and privileges as a father. Skip went to the puppet show and had such a fun time. Also there was some technical difficulties with the recordings and a dvd player, and since Skip is Mr. Media, he was able to save the day (or at least one kid's puppet performance).

This weekend I am going to the Women of Faith Conference in Houston, Texas with many of my relatives and a few friends. I had so many reasons not to go: Seth is just recovering from being sick, what if the other kids get sick, we really don't have extra money for me to spend, and the list goes on and on. However, this is something I need to do for me. I lead bible studies in my church, I am taking on the Women's Coordinator role for our church womens ministry, and I'm a pastor's wife. There needs to be some time when I soak in the wisdom of godly women to fill me up so I can then give to others. Selfishly I am also desiring a fresh, new word for what God wants to do in the hearts of our Real Life Women for the year 2010. Somehow just knowing that so many women are going to be gathered together singing God's praises and encouraging one another, gives me reason to believe I will receive this gift.

And while this mama is away, my husband and children are going to have a blast. He is already planning what they are going to do which will include a lot of movies, eating junk food and laughing. It won't include structure, bedtimes, or cleaning-this I know for sure:) Isn't God good to give me such an opposite of myself to balance out our children.

Friends, is there too many plates spinning? Are you taking time for yourself? Even better than that, spending time at the feet of Jesus? Giving him all your struggles, all your obligations and asking Him to help you first and foremost before you go to anyone else, is the key. Let's learn this lesson together and see all that God is going to do to give us a peace in this crazy place called Life.

Psalm 55:22 "Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall."

An Aunt Has to Brag a Little

It has been a while since my last post written about my nephew Matt Prokop, but there is something new coming up that I don't want you to miss. Matt is guest starring on the tv series Medium next Friday, November 13th. I am so excited for this first dramatic role of his career. He says the character is pretty dark, so it will be a far cry from his fun-loving Jimmy"the Rocket" from HSM3. I will be at the Women of Faith Conference in Houston, Texas that night, but I am SO running across the street with my sis, (Matt's mom) my aunts, cousins and friends to catch the episode in our hotel rooms. My hometown newspaper just put out an article to highlight his current accomplishments. You can read it yourself here.

Matt is also starring in Furry Vengeance coming out Spring 2010 starring Brenden Fraser and Brooke Shields which should be a great family film to check out. I can't wait. We are so proud of you Matt. Don't forget to mention my name when you get your first Oscar! It won't surprise me in the least.

Patience - Can't We Skip This One Fruit of the Spirit

I am in the middle of my 11 week study "Living Beyond Yourself, Exploring the Fruit of the Spirit" by Beth Moore. I have absolutely loved this study more than any other study I've ever done, and yes, I always say this about every new Beth Moore study I take on. It is because every new study I do is miraculously the exact thing I need to work on in my spiritual life at every given time I've started a new one. Isn't that awesome how God works that out?

Well, as much as I've loved this study, I don't like this week. There is a road barrier of sorts that has come up. I am trying to push on through, but it is difficult. This week's study is making me cry uncontrollably, get angry with myself, and bringing up so many things I have pushed down for the last 2 and a half years. Let's just say, "I'm not enjoying it one bit." This week is on patience. Okay, I can handle patience. I had to endure my son's illness when he was born, I had a house on the market for over a year, and I have three children-need I say more. However, during day 3 Beth turned this whole subject of patience in a direction I wasn't ready to go. She started teaching on judgment of others. Okay, yes I know this is a toughie. "I can soak this in and learn something new," I told myself. Then she suddenly took another turn on day 4 and started bringing "forgiveness" into the mix. Wait a second, how can we go from patience to forgiveness. I wasn't anticipating having to work on that particular area. It wasn't in the syllabus. I started reading quotes like, "If we neglect the necessity of forgiveness, we fail to complete the portrait of biblical patience. Then I read, "Patience is the vessel through which God pours His mercy. Mercy is fueled by biblical patience."

Normally I can say without a doubt that I have forgiven every wrong done to me, either intentionally or non-intentional. However, as I'm reading the following verse, I realize, I am still holding on to something I need to let go of- and quick.

Mark 11:25 "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

Wait a minute God, I thought I laid that "thing" down at your feet a long time ago, but just this morning when I encountered a thought about that "thing" I immediately let a negative thought come into my mind. Well, I guess I'm not quite done with it after all. Sometimes, forgiveness can be taken care of immediately with a prayer. Mine hasn't obviously. Beth went on to say that the Greek word most often used for forgive is aphiemi, which means "to let go from one's power, possession, to let go free, let escape." I don't even know if it is so much that I don't forgive a person or thing, but instead the fact that I know that others still hold something against me and my family. That is tough. I don't know if they would even read this blog, or if they even have thoughts about us anymore. I want them to understand why we did what we did at the time, but most of all it comes down to I want their forgiveness for us.

There is a patience that can only come from God and it is called "makrothumia" in the Greek form. This is the "patience" towards others that results from being filled with the Holy Spirit. I want this patience in my life, so that I may forgive freely, that I may not judge others, so I can give mercy as needed, and so that I can live life with a clean slate. Maybe you are fortunate and harbor no un-forgiveness in your life, but if you are like me, you need to stop whatever you think needs to be done right now, and get on your knees. Ask for God to let forgiveness rule over personal feelings. It doesn't mean that the hurt didn't happen, it doesn't mean wrong was not done to you, but it does mean that when you stand before God one day, you will be forgiven as you have forgiven others. That is my choice today, and I hope you let it be yours.

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." Col. 3:12-13

Don't Get Burned

When I was a little girl learning to cook, I would often get careless and burn myself. I might have touched a hot pan, or stood to close to the oven door, and there you have it, I had burned myself. My mom would use this opportunity to say, "See how much that hurts? That is just a tiny taste of what it will feel like if you don't be a good girl and you go down to the devil." Okay guys, I know that is a horrible thing to say to a child, and completely un-biblical, but she did her very best as a mother. I love her more than anything for the loving parent she was despite the funny things she would say to get me to straighten up. However, this little girl grew up to believe that being a good girl was what God wanted, and would be the catalyst to get me to heaven. I asked Christ in my heart at a young age, but never really understood that it was all about a personal relationship with Christ until many years later.

At 19, I realized that I was in need of a personal savior and that it didn't matter how good I tried to be, I would never be good enough to get into heaven. I confessed I was a sinner to God, I acknowledged that Jesus died on the cross for my sins and rose again, and believed that I would one day live in Heaven with Christ forever. At this time, even though I had began a relationship with Christ, I still lived as a person who had not really changed. Then 5 more years passed, I was married and FINALLY a light bulb went off. I knew I was going to heaven all along, but now I wanted to really know God and to have the relationship I knew He had waiting for me all along. I started studying the bible, and really reading it. It was so hard to understand and often a bit boring. Everyone around me seem to get it, but I struggled big time. I had excellent teachers and mentors who led me through the next 10 years, sharing all they knew and encouraging me along the way. I absolutely fell in love with the Word of God-I cannot get enough of it now. I have to constantly be in a study of some sort. I crave it like nothing I've ever craved before. God has allowed me to also see countless lives changed through his goodness and love during this unbelievable christian walk of mine.

Tonight as I was pulling the lasagna out of the oven, I burned myself pretty bad. My girls were both in the kitchen with me and wanted to see what the loud, "OW!" was all about. I showed them my red arm, and I actually started to smile remembering my mother's words. See my smile comes from the fact that both my girls don't hear words like I did. They both know Christ and they are having the relationship that it took me 25 years to start. I don't know why, but this experience tonight brought back to memory that scared little girl that I used to be. The little girl who didn't know if she was going to heaven when she died. She knew she had done some things that God wouldn't like, and it was always a thought for her that she might not be good enough. It also made me wonder how many of my friends reading this often feel like that scared little girl. Am I good enough to go to heaven? Friends, I once knew that feeling too, and it is not a good way to live.

You can be assured right now of your salvation forever and ever. Do what I did and turn your life over to Christ. Find a church where you can grow and fellowship with others. Don't wait and let time slip by as I did. I promise you Jesus is more thrilling and amazing than anything this world has to offer, and your life will be forever changed. God created you, he loves you, and he is anxiously waiting for you to come to Him. I'm praying for you!

Romans 10:9-10 "If you confess with your mouth, 'Jesus is Lord,' and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved."

John 3:16 says: "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life."

Joy, Joy, Joy, Sickness, Joy, Joy, Joy

This last week's study for "Living Beyond Yourself" was all about the fruit of the Spirit-JOY. Tuesday and Wednesday were literally overflowing days of joy due to an unbelievable extended time of studying God's Word. I had been asking God so many questions and finally surrendered them at his feet. He not only gave me answers I was looking for, he gave me specifics of how to go about doing the things I had been praying about starting.

One bit of joyful news is that I will be starting a Women's Ministry at our church. We already have such great women leading Life Groups and serving in so many areas, but we haven't had a coordinator bringing them all together with focus and vision. God laid it on my heart to start this for our women. If you have been reading my blog long, and know the title story, you will say, "What?" Susie, you aren't a leader, remember? You are the one filling in for, helping, assisting, doing what is needed." Well, that is what I've always held on to and believed. However, I am a child of the Most High, and when he clearly laid it on my heart to lead this, I know he will completely equip me and strengthen me to carry on His plans. Once I said, "Yes God", he started pouring forth ideas and plans in my head. My pastor and his wife are fulling supporting me, and are excited also. I also found a talented graphics artist and blog designer to get us started with getting the word out to our women. Hopefully, later this week, I will unveil the Real Life Fellowship's Women's blog. I am so pumped to see how women will get involved not only in the new bible studies we are already doing, but in the community outreach projects, the service in our own church and the different social events and groups that will be starting in the future. Just in my own Life Group of 15 ladies, there are so many talented and potential leaders who each have amazing testimonies of life change and how God is working in their lives. I am blessed, humbled and not to mention amazed at what is to come.

Right after so many great things happening this week, Annie (my 9 yr old) came down with the flu. It hit her hard and kept us home-ridden for the last 4 days. She is on Tamiflu, but is feeling a lot better. We have her fever under control, and she is mostly just non-stop coughing. I know she will fully recover in the next day or two. We caught it very early. On a side note, I am making an appointment with my gynecologist this week. I have something that is hurting in one of my upper portion areas(okay, one of my boobs) and I want to get it checked quick. I can't feel anything like a knot or lump, but it is sore to sleep on and if I accidentally brush against something, there is pain. I am not worried at all, but I am going to get checked, just as I do each year. Keep that in your prayers if you could, and that the rest of my family would stay flu-free.

Joy is something I have come to look at so differently lately. My homework was a full 5 days worth of learning about how much we need joy and how much as believers we need to live out joy. One of the most important things that hit me was God is the true Possessor and Giver of true joy. Beth Moore says, "Fleeting moments of happiness may be experienced through other channels, but inner joy flows only from Christ." I could not agree more. The one thing she reminded me of that I constantly want to remember to never take for granted is that my greatest joy needs to be in knowing that my name is written in heaven. Now that, is definitely reason to be joyful.

Thought It Might Be Time for Another House Post

We have been back in our old house for the last six months, and through this time we have come to realize that as much as God has provided, this house just isn't going to work. We gave it our best shot, and have been able to keep afloat, but just barely. There are no extras in life, and it is getting to a point that we have to make a pretty big decision. We have been blessed with a job Skip loves and schools that we don't want to compromise by changing, and both of us feel the house is a way to make a big dent in our finances. Since we have already lived in two much smaller homes over the last two years, we have no problem with down sizing whatsoever. In fact, we can't even fill up the house we live in now, because there isn't extra money to do so. We had given away and sold many items thinking we were going to be in Victoria forever, and never bought new things when we moved back home to Corpus.

I have been busy today rearranging some chairs and furniture while planning to put our house back on the market. We haven't decided exactly what route we are going to take, such as putting it for sale by owner, or working out something with a builder friend of ours. I just wanted to let you all know that I would appreciate prayers as we continue to rely on God's direction for what we should do. I can honestly say that I learned over the last couple of years that a house truly does not make a home. A home is made by love and the people living together in it. My desire is to seek God's approval for our future, and I am believing He will make known to us what is best and right.

I am so thankful that God's love and provision for me has proven faithful more times than I can count. There is always going to be uncertainty in life, but His love is always a constant .

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

Having One of Those Days, The Good Kind

I started my day with God. Turned off the distractions (in my case Facebook, radio, tv and phone) and got down to some serious QUIET time. It was the second time this week I was able to have an extended time of study. Thirty minutes into it today, I felt what I had been longing for...a REAL word from God. Who knows how we get these blessed moments out of the blue. It has been way too long since I've had one, but when I do, there is no mistaking them. I've been in God's word consistently for many years, but it is often rushed, thrown together, and half hearted a lot of the time.

Today was similar to many other days, only I really let God direct every step of my studying. If I felt I needed to stop and praise, I did. If I felt I needed to stop and confess, I did. If I felt I needed to stop and encourage someone, I did. Have you every done this? I rarely take the time, but oh was it worth it! God literally started revealing things to me that I have been praying about, and He had specific instructions for me to begin working on. It totally freaks me out a bit, but I am confident that it was guided by the Holy Spirit from start to finish. I am so excited, not so much for the outcome of all the things that God is going to accomplish and let me be a part of, but that His love for me was so REAL and apparent today. Hey, and guess what? He loves you just as much as me, and wants you to have this same special relationship with Him. So what are you waiting for? Seek Him and spend time with Him today.

Top 10 Things Keeping Me Away From This Blog

1. FAMILY I think that as my kids get older, we spend even more quality time together than we did when they were little. They are such fun kids! They actually want to hang out with me and Skip on the weekends and to go places with us. Hope this continues.

2. FACEBOOK Do I even need to explain to you friends? Probably should have been number one. It is my dream social networking tool. I love to connect to people, to encourage, to share what God is doing in the lives of my family and those I love. Facebook lets me do it all, and then some. Trying to stay away from anything that ends in "Ville", but it still keeps me pretty busy just the same. How fun is talking to your sweet friends from high school and to see that you all finally got back on track with God. Love it.

3. Bible Study Beth Moore's Living Beyond Yourself takes time. Time I LOVE, but time away from writing nonetheless. This study is one I wasn't sure about doing because it is old, and I felt it probably wouldn't challenge me as much as others I had done. Boy was I wrong. I am on a new high from all the knowledge God is pouring into these hours of study. Will I ever feel like I'm on my way, I sure hope not. And don't even get me started on my precious new bible study friends. I am humbled, completely humbled by their sweetness.

4. Hubby If I do anything right in this life, I want it to be being an awesome wife to Skip. I feel like God helps me do this because I truly seek His wisdom every day on being Skip's helpmate. I cannot believe how much I love this man, and want to see him succeed in his ministry, his fatherhood and his life.

5. Serving at the Schools If you know me, I am not a leader type. But...I will help wherever there is a need. Man, there is a ton of needs going on at our schools right now. Rummage sales, Laps for Learning, Prayer groups, bake sales, and the list goes on. I know I am beyond privileged to stay home, so I want to do what I can to serve for those who can't.

6. Talking What a joy to have a family that is only a phone call away. My family and I have been in such close contact over the last few months due to lots of struggles many of us has had to face recently. We pray together, share life, encourage each other, and laugh. I wish we lived in the same town, but I love that when we do get together, it is intentional.

7. Exercising Well, actually that was keeping me away for about two weeks, but it has unfortunately not been happening in the last week or so. Why does working out have to be such work. Ugh, I'm not good at it AT ALL.

8. Reading I don't know why I've been on such a reading kick lately. I still don't do it as much as I'd like, but I do take time each day to indulge myself.

9. Acting and Helping My Man Hehe, nothing that you would probably ever see unless you go to Real Life Fellowship Church. Skip and I have done two funny video skits for our relationship series and I secretly LOVE IT! I could never stand on a stage and speak in front of people, but somehow talking on video doesn't bother me at all. I'll try to post the videos on here in case you aren't my facebook friend. Btw, if you aren't my Facebook friend, why not?

10. Working on Some Fruit Fruit, as in Fruit of the Spirit is a main goal of mine to work on this fall season. I want to especially hone in on self-control and patience. Oh boy, can I also get some help with love. I have a tendency to be way too judgmental and I'm plain sick of it. God is helping me already, but I have a long way to go. Learning to walk in the Spirit is what the Living Beyond Yourself bible study is teaching me. Confessing what needs to be confessed first thing in the morning is my struggle right now. Often there is so much that comes to mind, it is a lot to take in. I know it is going to get easier, but for now, I need lots of prayer time.

Okay, now you know where I've been. This blog has always been a personal journal, and I'm glad I took some time to write out why I'm not writing on it. Love that I'll probably look back in 5 or 10 years and laugh at what I said on October 7, 2009. It's good to laugh. Speaking of laughing, I hear the kids doing just that in the other room. Off to see what I missed.

Listening to His Voice

I want to let you guys in on a little secret about me. Many years ago I had said some things and acted in ways that were not okay according to the standards set before me at church. Even though I felt 100% wrongly accused of the situation, I had to stand up to a verbal reprimand. It wasn't physical of course, but it did some detrimental damage to my self worth. At the time the one thing I wanted more than anything was to mentor women, and in particular, lead up a group of ladies that would do the same. Part of my punishment, was being told that I would not be able to do this, and was not at a place in my walk to be trusted with such a thing.

It is funny to look back now and see how much of my self worth was wrapped up in the approval of others and believing that if someone else said I wasn't good enough to do something, it was so. I don't care if it is a friend, a family member or a pastor. I have learned that the very thing others try to take away from us, or tell us we can't do, is often the thing that we were created to do.

Shortly after my pity party years ago, I decided to start my own little bible study in my home with 12 ladies. It was my first bible study to lead at the time, but I knew if God placed this desire so strongly in my heart, that he would also equip me to do it. After that I continued with these same group of ladies for a few more studies until I moved away for a year of service in another church out of town. Going into a new church and only knowing a few ladies, I signed up to lead a few more studies. It blessed me so much, and the women I got to know always shared that it was also a blessing to them.

I have now been at our current church for almost a year and a half, and can you guess what I am doing? I have just started leading my 3rd Women's bible study here with an awesome group of women. Just last month I found out that one of the girls in my first study from several years ago is now leading a group of her own, and another lady from the church I just came from, started leading when I moved on. This my friends, is God working out good and bringing about His will and not man's. I don't regret having been reprimanded years ago, because now I am focused and know my purpose more clearly than I would have if it had come easily.

Is there something that you want to pursue? Is there a desire that has failed in the past, but you still long that it will come about in time? It doesn't have to be something big, maybe it is as small as leading a bible study. Maybe it is something big like changing careers. Give it to God, fully to God! Let Him have His way in you, and watch what only He can do.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

"What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies." Romans 8:31-33

Not Going To Let Martha Take The Lead

This morning I woke up early because I had to get to the school and get in line for the extra yearbooks that were for sale for those who forgot to purchase one ahead of time last year. I waited and waited, but the person in charge never showed up to sell them. One of my friends said that she saw the email and it was Friday and not Monday that they would be for sale. What??? I was absolutely sure I read the email right, but when I came home and checked it for myself, sure enough I was wrong. I was not only wrong about the date, but also the time. I've been wrong a lot lately. I've been attending lots of activities, signing up for many volunteer opportunities, yet I am not keeping track of everything I need to do. Basically I'm doing a lot of things mediocre and very few things excellent.

This morning was a reminder that I need to not rush into help everywhere I can, but wait for God's leading and do a FEW things well. It will only make me look foolish when I can't keep track of the simple things (like keeping track of a date and time). If you want to know a little secret about me is that when I have times like this where I completely am at a loss, I go to the expert for advice. Scripture. It never EVER lets me down.

I started by looking for scripture on wisdom, but I don't think that is the main source of me getting things jumbled. I think it is a lack of focus on what is important. I came across a very familiar scripture, but one I haven't been practicing since I began this new school year.

Luke 10:38-42 "Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”

Are you here with me? Does any of this make you stop and take notice? I need to be at Jesus' feet every morning before I even begin to fill in a sign-up sheet, before I even reply to an email, before I jump in with a yes to each and every volunteer opportunity under the sun. Serving my family, my school and my church are all very important, but nothing is more important than being with my Heavenly Father getting filled so that I can pour into others.