At one point today, I had to get outside and be alone for a while with God. I had gone for a visit at noon with my brother to see my Popi for the first time in the ICU and it was not what I expected at all. He was hooked up to a ventilator and was not responding to anything we were saying or doing. I think he heard us talking a few times because he would move his head a little. It was so sad because my Noni(his wife of over 70 years) was holding his hand and trying to tell him how much she needed him to come home with her. Her vision is basically gone, and Popi takes such good care of her. They have five children and more grandchildren and great- grandchildren than you can count to pitch in, but it is Popi that she wants. I touched his hand several times and said prayers over him. I am praying that he recovers soon, or that if that is not God's will, that he will go peacefully. I really am hoping for a miracle for my Noni.
When I returned from the hospital we found out the loan process isn't going as well as we hoped and we will now be putting more money down than we had hoped. Everything had been running so smoothly, so this really took me a little by surprise. I am so ready to get my family together and I don't want any more setbacks. It's funny because just when I was thinking I would do a few things for the home (rugs, curtains, etc.), we find out that we won't be having those extras. I don't care about those things much, but I was finding myself dreaming about them instead of spending more time in prayer and thanksgiving for what God has been doing in our lives.
After starting to feel a little overwhelmed by the two above mentioned things, I started to get a little anxious. Instead of throwing a pity party (which has happened in my past many times), I went out in my backyard and sat on the deck to have some much needed prayer time. I laid it out with God and told him everything I was feeling and everything I was scared about. It was such a beautiful thing and I literally felt songs of praise on my lips. I'm sure the neighbors would have heard me singing, if it were not for the wind blowing so hard. It felt like a hurricane minus the rain and danger. God's presence was all around me and I know everything is going to be fine. Though I don't know the rest of our earthly story, I do know the end of my story in Christ. And it is going to be a HAPPY ONE.
"You will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will be turned into joy." John 16:20