Feb 25, 2007

Choosing My Words Carefully

One of the biggest struggles that I face daily is choosing the right words to say. I have messed up so many times by saying too little, by saying too much, or by saying something that has been misinterpreted. I love sharing with women and I love to help them in any way I can. The problem I often have however, is knowing when something personal should be shared. I hear so many great teachers and speakers say that your mistakes are your ministry, and that if you have overcome a sin or weakness that you need to share it to help someone else. I don't think this can always apply to someone in a leadership position. It is hard to talk about how you or your husband has overcome(......) when people are looking at you though unrealistic eyes. I have countless stories I could share about God's amazing work he has done on areas of sin in my life, but I am afraid that I will somehow not use the right words and people will not see the true miracle that has occurred. I know that God does not give us a spirit of fear, but I do think he gives us a discernment of when and how we should speak his truth to others.

As I sat at Beth Moore's "Get Out of the Pit" simulcast yesterday, I was given something that seemed to make the scales fall from my eyes(metaphorically speaking) in the "how do I share?" question I have been having. I have issues (pits as Beth refers to) that I have come out of over the last 10 years. While still sitting, God brought a pit to mind that my foot is still stuck in and I started crying thinking that, "It's not fair, I need to be able to talk to someone about this. I need to confess and share without judgement like all these other ladies around me. Just because I am married to a pastor, why can't I feel free in opening up?" As the tears began to well up, I was praying that somehow I would become invisible and no one would see me. Beth looked straight into the camera and said that she knew that there are people in leadership out there, pastor's wives and others that feel that they have no one to talk to. She said I know that you haven't shared because you want to be careful with your words and protect your church and those around you. Then she gave this scripture in Psalms 73 Verses 13-16 which says, "Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure; in vain have I washed my hands in innocence, All day long I have been plagued; I have been punished every morning. (Here's a good part) If I had said, "I will speak thus," I would have betrayed your children. When I tried to understand all this it was oppressive to me."

It is confusing to look at the scripture out of context and not being there to hear it, but I assure you that I understand it so clearly. It was God saying to me, "Child, just bring it to ME! Bring it all to me baby! I understand and I won't judge you one bit. I know your heart. In fact, I created it. And there will be no misrepresentation. I love you and we will take care of this together, just Me and you." Can I just say - Praise God! Praise God! He is such a personal God to me, and I love the way that I can just cry out to Him in my need and He is always there.

I know my sweet 7 yr.old Annie is getting to know her God is there for her too. This morning as she hunched over the porcelain throne with a tummy bug, she cried out, "Mommy it hurts, pray for me, pray for me mommy. " Those are the sweetest words ever to a mother's ears.

After reading over this, the last thing I want is for any of you to feel sorry for me. I do share some pretty deep stuff with two of my best friends-one lives in China and one in Alabama. You know, however, in Texas we gals like to hug who we're talkin to. Amen!


Tiffany said...

Loved it, loved it. You are an amazing women. I love talking with you, cause you do speak the truth and you are bold in your words and thoughts, much like myself, I love you for that. Oh and you can come up with some of the most funniest things and I love that fact that I laugh with you. WITH YOU< NOT AT YOU!!!!
Missed you this weekend. Hope Annie is better. I know those stomach bugs are not fun.

Linda said...

I do understand Susie. I know it cannot be easy to be in a leadership position and still need those personal relationsips. I'm so glad the Lord spoke to you through Beth. I see so much wisdom in your writings. You have a sweet, teachable spirit. You have a heart that is loving and giving. I pray that the Lord will draw you in close and be all that you need Him to be. I know that He will. He loves you completely.
You are a precious lady.

Eagles Wings said...

I enjoyed reading your post. My heart has always been drawn to pastor's wives to pray for them...because of that very reason. The congregation puts you on a pedistal and to share personal things could just possibly ruin a ministry. Well Praise God - we can run to Him!
Just want to stop by and say I'm praying for you today!

Penless Thoughts said...

I linked onto your site from Momma Roar. I read this post early this a.m.. When my husband got up we had our Bible study and prayer time together, and I came back. When I came back I noticed your side bar and your Name story and have just finished reading it.

What a wonderful story! Reading it, and all the comments you got, just drives home how the Truth always is so appreciated and needed. You can see from my insert below my Blog title where I place truthfulness.

I'm very new to blogging but I've seen a lot of posts about people wanting to remove the masks, get real, etc. My personal opinion, and it is just that, is that The Body of Christ would be blessed and grow-up to be more Christ-like, as God intended, if ALL those in positions of leadership would be completely honest and open. If leadership feels they can't be entirely open then how are others to be open and free. The Truth shall set you free.

I'm certainly not discounting the personal intimacy with Christ and we certainly know it has to be with Christ and Christ alone that the healing comes, but I do believe in being honest and real with the people at all times.

Have a wonderful and blessed day.

Blessed Beyond Measure said...

Every woman needs at least one friend, who you can trust to the ends of the earth; someone you can be completely yourself, honest with. Choose carefully, then invest in that friendship. Your husband, and family will be blessed because of it. I think the only danger is in sharing too easily with too many people. A lot of hurt can come from that. My daughter is a pastor's wife too. She has one friend, one of those forever friends. We all need that.

Robin said...

Susie, I'm right there with you. I do have two friends I can tell just about every thing to, but still--I find myself being guarded over several things. Not that they would judge me; I just don't always see it as appropriate with Terry in the position he is in. But between the two of them, most of it's covered.

Chappyswife said...

I am glad you were able to see God in His glory and receive clarification from Him. Oh, those moments are so very precious. It's hard to get across just how special they are, huh? I am glad you chose to share this with us!

DA Wagners said...

Thanks for the words. I really needed what you wrote about. I too questioned if I had to highlight my sorrows to people; whether it was my duty or something. I love knowing that I can just go to God, and that I can leave my pains in His keeping.