When he first said the words, "Mom, we have a middle school retreat coming up soon and you need to fill out this form," I thought he was joking. Why would Seth want to go to a 4 day, 3 night retreat when he has only spent the night with one friend in the last year? Then as the days got closer, he became more persistent and insisted that we let him go.
It has now been one night since he left and my heart hurts so bad. I miss my son way more than I would if it was my girls. It isn't that I love him anymore, it is the fact that boys are different. At least in my case, my boy is different. I can already see at 12 he is trying to break free from me a little. Skip assures me this is okay and normal behavior, but I want my snuggle bubby back. At school he never wants me on the field trips or volunteering in his class, where my girls literally beg me to do everything. At home Seth is fine to hang out in his room, on the phone, playing guitar or if dad is off work, he wants to hang out solely with him. We don't argue or disagree much, it is just a subtle pulling away.
I really don't want to have one of those sons that their wives have to remind them to call their mother. I don't want to have to beg him to come and visit when I'm older. Is this normal concerns? I see it all over the place with my adult friends. Their husbands don't have this amazing relationship with their mothers. I want an amazing relationship with Seth! I'm praying for that for years to come, but I also realize that as he becomes a man, he needs to assert himself and one day be the leader of his home. Maybe all this distancing of himself is part of that whole process. But, I think it stinks!
Even God shares with us that "a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife" in Genesis. It is just harder to take these steps than I thought it would be. Thankfully Seth is still going to be in our home for many years to come. For those wise women out there who are probably grinning at my silliness, feel free to assure me and give me points on how to best deal with this new phase of my life with a preteen 12 yr old boy. Oh my goodness, puberty is right around the corner too. Lord, please help me!
9 comments:
I would suggest, and not specifically to you but to all parents, that the tighter you hold the harder they have to pull to be free from you. It will happen gradually and it will hurt a little each progression, but I'm trying not to be the mom who won't let her 35 year old son move out of the house. Hans' mom did great with her boys, but she said she spent most of their teen years biting her tongue. It's just a new phase and you'll totally get through it and have an awesome man at the end of it.
I remember years ago my father telling me, "My daughters my daughter for all of her life, my sons my son 'til he takes him a wife."
I've never forgotten that and there is some truth in it IF you haven't built a strong relationship with your son before he "takes him that wife!". I'm thankful to say I have a very tight, and close relationship with both of my sons. Believe me I cherish it, and so does their father.
I'm sure you are building that kind of relationship with your son.
Susan
Hi Susie,
I have GREAT relationship with my adult son (and his beautiful wife and 4 kids!). As long as we nurture our relationships by keeping communication going, and douse our kids with much prayer, I believe those relationships will continue long after they leave home.
By the way, I have added you to my Word Chicks member list and will pray for you! Keep me posted on whether you decide to speak or not!
Ugh! That just breaks my heart!!! I am so glad I have 10 years left before my lil guy is 12!
I think after Seth becomes a 'man' he will need is mommy back in ways you never thought!!!
Oh Susie, I think it is just really normal for the age he is right now. I found that as my sons got older, the closeness grew but in a different way. Long talks, big bear hugs...
It's still that way. I made a deliberate effort, when they got married, to sort of stay out of the way. It has all worked out. There is a special relationship between mothers and sons, and I think it is always there.
I already feel like I am having to let go of my youngest so much faster than my oldest. It's nuts. I am admittedly enjoying the more "grown up" time I have with both of them.
I am absolutely certain this is so much different with boys. They have to become men after all.
Hugs!
I knew my sweet friends would have some encouragement and wisdom to share. Thanks!
Hi Susie,
I read your comment on Julie's blog about word chicks and I felt a nudge to tell you something. Then I wrote Julie another comment and left her blog. I felt the nudge again about you so I tracked you down. I'm exhausted from all the typing already:)
Obviously I don't know anything about you but your friend who asked you to speak does. This is just an idea that crossed my mind. Have you ever considered going to Toastmasters? It is a club where you learn about public speaking. I'm sure there are many clubs in your area. It is a wonderful training ground if God wants to do MORE with your writing. I am a speaker. They have helped me tremendously. The weekly one hour meetings have been very valuable in my call. I hope it is okay to share that with you. God call me to encourage others. Many blessing to you. Barbara aka B
Aw, Susie, my heart hurts everyday as my now-16-year-old is pulling away some.
We have always had the best relationship. We would talk and share everything. He held nothing back, until just a few years ago, then it started to change. Suddenly he didn't need or want to spill everything.
We still have some great heart-to-hearts, but once that testosterone kicks in, it's a whole different ballgame. I miss that sweet little boy dearly.
I guess it's all part of God's plan so that our sweet boys can grow into strong men. Reading your comments here helped me realize this more.
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